Today, I woke up and purpose captured me. I needed to go down and work. You see, my job works around me quite literally. After leaving my apartment, I walk down a flight of steps. I open the door that leads to Main Street, and then move south past two doors and unlock the third. I lock it behind me and then walk past shelves filled with thousands of books I could never read. I open the west door to the basement and turn on the light. I rule this half of the basement with an iron fist. Labeled comic book boxes filled shelves while in the north east corner unsorted comics wait for me to wrap my totalitarian hand around the throats and force them into submission.
I choose my hours. I choose what I do. Today, I spent half an hour picking up the mess left behind by a High Schooler who gained job experience by sorting comics and comic book boxes my brother did not take out from the new shipments that came in the last couple weeks. I wanted to get started since I only have three months to finish this project and need to put in close to five hundred hours total to get it all completed.
This was not the only purpose of my day. I wanted to finish the dishes I started last night, and even as I type this several sit submerged in water waiting for me to run the yellow and green pad over them to wipe away the clinging muck. Without a roommate, the dishes did not seem important to get done. Then, I had a roommate but did not have the time or want to exceed the effort to do it. Finally last night, I filled the sink full of water added the Dawn dish soap and then began to wash the plates, bowls, silver ware, and cups.
Overall, my purpose got me out of bed. I put in a few hours, and now I plan to do dishes. However, most of my day I felt incredibly inadequate. The drama from my roommate still lingers in my mind, especially since I still get countless pieces of mail I know for the most part she will simply throw them into the trashcan. She also lingers in the apartment, although since Andy moved in things actually feel easier. Andy, however, spends most of his time out in the world leaving the apartment lonely with just my kitty.
Although I know I have friends, I know I have a plan for my future, and I know my family supports me even in my potential mistakes, I felt incredibly lonely. I felt like an dehydrated person with an empty glass and no water. I began to text my friend, Katie, and told her how the gay themed movies I currently have been watching make me feel both incredibly happy while also incredibly sad.
She talked me through it all. She, like any good friend, told me how awesome I am in various contexts and I explained that she was simply brilliant. She liked the fact I quoted Doctor Who. I can't wait for my future as uncertain, but a large part of me just hopes that my friends have the same kind of hope, scary as it sometimes is. Donna Troy, a character from DC Comics Teen Titans once said in Titans/Young Avengers: Graduation Daysaid, "I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know that tomorrow will come and I will be there to meet it." It's been my lifeline and I truly believe it. Today, I felt sad, I felt purposeful, and now I feel lonely, but at the end of the day, I can't wait to tomorrow's roller coaster.
